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Sunday, September 19, 2004

listening to: alexis on fire - 44 caliber love letter

where is my wittyness when i really need it most? maybe all i am really is just an act. u know? to please others. am i really myself when im with people? or do i do/say things only for the sole purpose of being liked? pragmatic? maybe so. but in today's society where connections are everything, u need to be nice to ppl right?

so does that make friendships only for the sole purpose of advancing in life? i donoe. what do u think? it seems to me that way. even at a recent leadership course i attended, the lecturer said something to the tune of "make as many connections as u can. (notice friends are refered to connections) because u'll never know when u need their services or help (again the word services)." is that all friends are for? dumbed down to connections u use for services?

ok so i digress from my 1st paragraph and my 2nd. i'm actually lost know. i forgot what exactly i wanted to write in this entry. oh yeah about my wittyness ffailing me at the most important times. doesnt that make in just an act? my funniness. maybe i donoe.

i think, deep down inside, im a disciplinarian at heart lah. not in the sense im ramrod straight or something. but things like respect for teachers, or shutting up when u need to, closing the door after opening it, picking up litter, stuff like that. because i frown at ppl spitting, littering, talking out loud, disrespecting the teacher. does that make me stuffy? i donoe. maybe. maybe that makes me not have a sense of humour. does it?

what ever the case, i need to find myself. even at this age, i think i still havent figured out who i am and what i wanna do in life. and thats scary. with promos coming around the corner, im gonna need to pass it to move on in life. to move onto the next stage of the rat race. i need to. i want to. not for me, but for the ppl i love around me.

mum, dad, nurin my lil sis. and her. all of you. i love u. cherio~

posted by the pseudo rocker @ 2:00 PM

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